Q: How do you get a reviewer to actually read your work?
A: You can't. Book reviewers have editors who assign them books. Book bloggers have their interests and out of many competing volumes they are unlikely to choose yours if they do not know you. A young blogger will not choose a book by a middle-aged person, and vice-versa. You may get one local reviewer if the book is about local matters. Then there is a 50 percent chance it will be a negative review. There is 100 percent chance the reviewer will find "something wrong with it." There is 100 percent chance  you will think the reviewer missed the point of the book entirely.

If you are an unknown with a first book by a small publisher, or if your book is somehow countercultural, self-published, local, or a fine press book that is handcrafted, you will probably not get a review. A million titles are published in the US each year. There are not nearly enough editors, reviewers, or outlets to give most books any notice. Local reviews must appear within a few weeks of the book's appearance because after 90 days the book is old news and bookstores often return them to the publisher.

Q: What does the reviewer consider while reading the book?
A: There's no standard for assessing a book. Reviewers don't so much read a book as apply themselves to the book, hearing from it what they wish to hear, and then they react. Some critics merely summarize the book so readers can pretend they read the book. Others want to showcase their own expertise or wit or forward their agendas. Some will brown-nose publishers, employers or advertisers, and all such books are reviewed as great, ground-breaking, etc., and all competing books are dross.

Because it is hard to get reviews, any review, good or bad, is better than none, but good reviews do not sell many books because so few people read reviews. The day of the "Time magazine's positive book review creates a bestseller" is over. Book bloggers' influence is overestimated; their blogs are read mostly by the writers who contribute to them. A celebrity endorsement (a celebrity in the field -- let's say you can make Kay Ryan give you a good blurb for a book of your poetry) may help sell it to those who like Kay Ryan. A nonfiction niche book might be reviewed in niche publications (let's say a how-to book about buying vintage muscle cars might get a review in Car & Driver).

So know your niche, and send your book to whoever does the reviewing at a niche publication or blog. But your very best bet for sales is to forget reviews, and somehow get you and your book on TV.

Elect my mom president of the United States and the budget will be balanced in five days. The occupation of Iraq will end when she says so: no ifs, ands or buts about it. Moamar Qaddafi will quake in his boots, and if he bombs anything she will clean his clock and show him who is boss. There will be no shenanigans in the Oval Office. You'd better believe the White House will be tidy and there will be no eating at the desks. Rich folks will be taxed until they're in the same boat as the rest of us.

President Mom's cabinet will be working women who know how to juggle everything and get things done. She will award medals to stay-at-home mothers, nurses, cancer patients, and graduate students. Dick Cheney will soon be laughing out of the other side of his mouth. When the Democrats and Republicans have stupid arguments she will say "Cut it out or I'll knock your heads together."

Call me picky, but here's how I see these book covers. The darkest two of these are poetry books: wonderful poetry books. One is self-published and one is from a chapbook press. The dark covers do hint at the type of poetry within, and there is nothing wrong with dark covers, but the titles and author names are also dark, and in one case the title and author name is in script typeface, and undersized, and barely visible. CivilWarLand is a great book of short stories, but its cover is too busy. With its photographic image, multiple typeface colors (red, yellow, white), the orange oval, and the black sidebar with reverse (white) type, the hardest kind of type to read, this cover is a lot of work for the reader's eyes. You get tired even before you open the book. The publisher, a big commercial publisher, figured this out, because later printings have a different cover. A university press commissioned this folksy painting for this book of really fine short stories, on the right. The painting included the title and author's name. That's a baby in a violin case at the bottom, but it looks like The Scream to me. I would have a hard time buying a book with such an amateurish cover although the book is a prizewinner (see the golden sticker) and truly a gem. The middle book is self-published (I've removed the author name) and its red-hot cover and stark, type-only simplicity is supposed to entice me to open the book. It says it's a novel. It'd be nice if it said what kind of novel; the red and yellow, although they tried, were not enough to convey to me that it was a serial-murderer mystery. (That red isn't "blood red"; it's Soviet Union flag red and yellow.) The cover's oddness may have caught my eye but I would never take the book from the shelf; obviously a self-published effort by someone who doesn't know that covers have to inform readers, just a little, as well as attract their attention.

Choosing a book cover is like getting married. It'll be with you a long time, so choose carefully; and there are penalties for changing it. Authors often are dead set on the covers they want, so they won't listen to reason, and commit to less than they should have; or they just "want it all over with, get the darned book out," and they settle. I wish more of them would take their time to make a really good choice. The right title and book cover is 70 percent of your book's success. NOBODY wants to buy a book that LOOKS self-published. Please RESPECT YOUR OWN WORK (I feel strongly about that) and  consider (and none of this costs you any money):

1. Research book covers you like and determine why you like them: Color? Typeface? Images? The way the title or image is placed?
2. While looking for covers you like, look for unappealing ones, and determine what makes them unattractive.
2. Although the book may well be for or about you, the cover is for your readership.
3. A good book cover contributes greatly to the book's success; a bad one repels buyers and readers.
4. #1 source of cover disasters: drawings, paintings, or photo images by, or of, the author's friends and relatives. Even your friend who is a professional artist will draw you a disaster when you dictate to him exactly what you want, such as a watercolor of the old home place, or a symbolic image.
5. No one will understand the symbolism of your symbolic image.
6. Script or fancy type fonts render titles unreadable. People who can't read the title can't want the book.
7. A book's title should be readable from 12 feet away.
8. If a book cover is solely words (title, and name of author) it had better be professionally designed, or it positively SCREAMS "self-published!"
9. A truism from the printing industry (where I began my career): Readers shun books with purple covers; no one knows why. Go into a bookstore and I will give you a dime for every purple cover you find.
10. Book covers are NOT the place for old family photos, a watercolor of the old home place, or a photo or image of you (costumed, or being yourself). These may mean a lot to you; they mean nothing to readers. A cover is not about you; it is a responsibility you have to your readership.  If you must have those pictures, put them INSIDE the book.
11. Images from the Internet may not be used without express written permission from the creators or you can be sued and have to change your cover.
12. Self-publishing companies offer generic covers. Everyone will recognize that they're generic and no one will respect your book.
13. If you plan to list on Amazon.com and other sites, remember that online, your book cover image will be one inch high. Can readers still see your title when your book cover is shrunk for online selling?

What costs money: Professional advice. Professional graphic artists familiar with book-cover standards. This is money you WON'T regret spending.

I'll soon post some disastrous covers so you can see what I mean.