Old, dumb chestnuts guaranteed to exasperate your reader (and how they do that. So be aware, and do better than these):
- "While having my second cup of coffee...." (indicates excess leisure; annoys readers who by necessity wake to horrible alarm clock, rush the kids to school, rush to work)
- "our late breakfast of coffee and blood oranges..." (indicates excess leisure and money-fueled hyperestheticism (the oranges being rare and expensive; the casual reference to "blood," the implied reference to Wallace Stevens' "Sunday Morning"), and, lucky you, you probably have a two-income household)
- "Walking in the desert wilderness I was thinking about..." (indicates a panoply of luxuries: solitude, leisure to think, time for aimless walking, and placement in a remote quiet setting)
- "Woke up this morning..." (it's an essay, not a blues song, honey)
- "My mother" / My father" (no one cares; get to the point) (I once read a litmag that had four pieces in it all beginning with the words "My father...")
- "Sometimes, reality strikes with the force of a tidal wave" (you're just figuring that out?)
- "I find myself saying frequently to my students..." (wow, you've got a teaching job? lucky you)
- "My father would sit with his feet up on his desk..." (your father had a desk?)
- "My senior year..." (better, start out "In 1985," or whatever year it was. Nobody cares about your senior year, but some readers might give a hoot about 1985 as a year)
- "I learned early on..." (you're showing, not telling)
