They Don't Want You to WriteWritten by Catherine Rankovic
One woman described her husband getting nervous and suddenly needing her when she tried to shut her door to write. "What would happen if I called HIM at work and told him to come home immediately and take care of MY emotional needs?" she asked. Of course, short of illness or death in the family he would tell her to take a flyer, and rightly so. Another woman described her husband's verbal abuse. It was classic:
1. Horrible verbal abuse occurs regardless of the seriousness of "what's wrong." (Crooked miniblind is as enraging as a wrecked car or an IRS audit.)
2. The abuser denies that it is abuse.
3. The abuser declares that if anything, the abused is the abusive and crazy one.
4. Verbal abuse never occurs in the presence of witnesses (except children, whose testimony is easily discredited).
5. The abuser denies that abuse occurred, even when there is proof, such as a recording.
6. To others the abuser is affable and reasonable and socially is the better-liked of the pair.
To anyone out there with this problem, let me save you five or ten years of trying to fix it: There is NO cure short of separation.
The people to hang out with, live with, be with, as you begin to write, are the people who support your efforts, and if you haven't got them at home, join a writers' group.
Writer, with 30+ years' writing and publishing experience, 20+ years' teaching experience. Last book read: Mrs. Lincoln by Catherine Clinton.
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Saturday, 16 April 2011 18:31
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Thursday, 31 March 2011 09:01
Good article. Very succinct and to the point. We can't fix others...and when a significant other has a verbal abuse problem, the problem is theirs, not ours.
I've written an article myself about verbal abuse and writers. If you want to check it out, it's at www.creative-writing-life-coach.com/verbal-abuse.html.
I totally agree. Get the support you need, whether from home or with a good group. Writing is worthwhile, and hard enough without trying to do it alone or with others who choose to demean your work.
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